Ok...so it's been a while. Over a month. Well, it's not exactly because nothing has been on my mind worth blogging about, but more so it's been there's too much for me to blog about and I don't know how to form all my thoughts together. This blogging thing is kinda harder than I thought it would be. I guess it's that fear that my thoughts will sound so confusing and make sense only to myself that no one will really care what I'm writing because it won't make any sense.
Anyway. So as of late I've been feeling like a road under construction. That just as you get cruising and construction seems to be coming to a close - along comes the bulldozer to dig things up again for phase 2 or 3 or 4. Ok...so my family is in the process of growing in numbers. Long story short, last fall my husband and I made the decision to adopt from our state system. I am thrilled and excited about all of this, however what I've found is that God is using it as a way of growing, stretching and molding me into who He wants me to be and I haven't really been all that cooperative during the process. I mean, I want to grow...and I believe I am growing I just sometimes have to hit myself over the head to realize, "ahh, helloooo, do you see what God is trying to show you here?"
I've been reading a lot of books lately about growing with God and my desire to be in His will. I want so badly sometimes to be in His will and I think that in itself hinders me because I want to control how I'm in His will. When obviously to be in His will I must totally and completely surrender myself to Him. I picked up a small but profound book this morning by a wise monk named brother Lawrence called "the practice of the prescense of OF GOD". In it he talks about how he learned an important lesson through each daily chore: The time he spent in communion with the Lord should be the same, whether he was bustling around in the kitchen - or on his kness in prayer. This book has really got me thinking and realizing that I'm really not allowing myself to fully experience God's presence in me as much as I could and should be. God is with me (and you) all the time. And for some reason, we often think that we can only truly access Him when we are on our knees or bowing our heads in prayer. Why is that?
I'm realizing that if I just humble myself and abide in Him that I will be in His will. Why must I complicate it so much?! I want to do amazing things for God. I want God to work through me in amazing ways. But more often than not, I want these things so badly that I myself am the very thing standing in the way of God doing such things in and through me. Ugh, it can really get frustrating at times and it's those times that I suppose I am most grateful for His grace.
I wonder....am I alone or do others truly experience the same frustrations as me?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
What is THAT in my driveway???
We've all heard the term "never say never" and most of us I'm sure at one time or another have come to eat that hard to swallow piece of humble pie that can accompany the event that occurs after we realize we once said, "I'll never (fill in the blank)". Well my friends, this is such a day!
Yesterday I joined the ranks of many mom's in the US of A who will cart their kids from dance practice, to soccer practice to piano lessons to where ever - you name it - in a MINI VAN!!!! The very fact that later today I will go out to my driveway turn the key and get in and continue to run my errands in a mini-van is completely and unbelievable beyond my scope of comprehension right now. You see, I can be quoted by saying at one time to a dear friend, "if you ever catch me driving a mini-van, you have my permission to shoot me!"
I refused to own one. Why? I guess I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the whole label thing. I guess in a way I've always looked at mom's driving a mini-van as having no identity other than that of Taxi-Mom. The mini-van symbolizes a suburban way of life, centered around family. It's what the station wagon was in the Brady Bunch era. Now don't get me wrong, I think that having your life centered around your family should be first and foremost - and it is in our home. But driving a mini-van ultimately states, I am a mom and that's who I am plain and simple. Again, nothing wrong with that but it ultimately puts me in a stereotype and I don't like to be labeled as a stereotype, regardless of what kind. I'm so much more than "just a mom".
I guess that bottom line is this. When push comes to shove - I'm a practical person plain and simple. I'm not about flash and impressing people. I'm not one to wear name brand clothing simply because it's name brand or to by a certain product in the store simple because of it's name. I'll opt for the less expensive brand and save myself a lot of money in the end at that register. And that's why we bought the mini-van. It's practical and efficient. It's a great family vehicle - and we ARE a family (getting ready to expand none the less - more on that later). It was time to rid ourselves of the 10 yr old gas guzzling Explorer that was ready to die on us at any moment. The gas prices aren't going down any time soon and simply put - it just makes sense.
So with that... I guess it's time to go grab a fork and dig in. Maybe I'll even top my pie with a little whipped cream!
Yesterday I joined the ranks of many mom's in the US of A who will cart their kids from dance practice, to soccer practice to piano lessons to where ever - you name it - in a MINI VAN!!!! The very fact that later today I will go out to my driveway turn the key and get in and continue to run my errands in a mini-van is completely and unbelievable beyond my scope of comprehension right now. You see, I can be quoted by saying at one time to a dear friend, "if you ever catch me driving a mini-van, you have my permission to shoot me!"
I refused to own one. Why? I guess I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the whole label thing. I guess in a way I've always looked at mom's driving a mini-van as having no identity other than that of Taxi-Mom. The mini-van symbolizes a suburban way of life, centered around family. It's what the station wagon was in the Brady Bunch era. Now don't get me wrong, I think that having your life centered around your family should be first and foremost - and it is in our home. But driving a mini-van ultimately states, I am a mom and that's who I am plain and simple. Again, nothing wrong with that but it ultimately puts me in a stereotype and I don't like to be labeled as a stereotype, regardless of what kind. I'm so much more than "just a mom".
I guess that bottom line is this. When push comes to shove - I'm a practical person plain and simple. I'm not about flash and impressing people. I'm not one to wear name brand clothing simply because it's name brand or to by a certain product in the store simple because of it's name. I'll opt for the less expensive brand and save myself a lot of money in the end at that register. And that's why we bought the mini-van. It's practical and efficient. It's a great family vehicle - and we ARE a family (getting ready to expand none the less - more on that later). It was time to rid ourselves of the 10 yr old gas guzzling Explorer that was ready to die on us at any moment. The gas prices aren't going down any time soon and simply put - it just makes sense.
So with that... I guess it's time to go grab a fork and dig in. Maybe I'll even top my pie with a little whipped cream!
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